The Youngest Grad.

Founder's Day is an annual tradition for West Pointers and it basically involves a bunch of grads congregating at some rubber chicken dinner venue and paying homage to the great gray god that is sometimes referred to as the United States Military Academy at West Point.  We reaffirm our secret handshakes and drink a lot...which is basically what all other exclusive secret societies have done since the dawn of...exclusive secret societies and alcohol.

 

There are traditional toasts, drinking, traditional songs are sung, everyone complains about how much harder West Point was when they attended the school and how its gotten soft (traditionally it is referred to as saying that "the corps has...." -- has what?...if you have to ask you shouldn't be saying it in the first place!) and there are required speeches from the oldest and youngest grads present at the dinner.

 

Now...I graduated in 1987 which means that I graduated over 21 years ago and that I'm 43 years old today.  I have never been the youngest grad even though I've been to almost 18 or 19 Founder's Days dinners since graduation.  But today I just got notice that I am the youngest graduate registered (so far) for this Friday's Founder's Day dinner in Tucson, AZ.  Now...that probably doesn't seem so crazy when you consider the vast retired community that is Tucson Arizona but I just find it really hard to believe.  I seriously need to dig into my memory to figure out what to tell these people about my school...it was that long ago. 

 

If I'm the youngest graduate, than there must be a lot of candidates vying for the oldest graduate status.  I'm sure there's someone from WWI there who's over 100 years old...  Apparently there are going to be a lot of WWII veterans there this time so I'll have to acknowledge that Greatest Generation in any speech I give.  Here are some of the things I was thinking that I learned at West Point that will never make it into my speech...

 

*I can sleep anywhere....ANYWHERE...I almost fell asleep during a forward movement in battle during Desert Storm....(As a caveat to this, I also learned that I am not the princess from the princess and the pea story because I can sleep on barbed wire and tacks without noticing that they're under me...).

 

*A cadet saber is a great thing to goose your friends with...it just hangs on your side waiting for the perfect moment to strike...and then it returns to its innocent hanging position very quickly...

 

*I can almost always guarantee that the guy (male cadet in this instance) who makes nasty comments about a female cadet's weight will have a heavy girlfriend.  Its a scientific fact.  Probably based on his inability to say anything to his girlfriend about her weight issues.

 

*Food fights are hilarious and it doesn't matter how much they take out of your cadet pay...its worth it to have one.

 

*Ice cubes go very well in milk....even if you don't like milk.

 

*Mess hall waiters are some of the most powerful people at West Point when you're a plebe and an upper classman has asked you to get more water....

 

*Do not throw your Leadership/Psychology Book in the bonfire during Navy week...you'll always regret it.  I had to look at Wikipedia to make sure I had Lazlo's Hierarchy of Needs correct...

 

*People who weld their wedding bands to their West Point rings are way too attached to West Point.  In fact people who wear a lot of West Point stuff all the time (not just when they're at a WP sporting event) should be avoided for the same reason.

 

*Really old grads (like the guys at the Founder's Day dinner) will likely never accept women at West Point...but who cares really?...if women did things just to please those guys we'd never be anywhere in this world...

 

*The wind whipping off the Hudson river first thing in the morning is just about one of the coldest things ever and it will often take 10-15 minutes for your fingers to thaw to the point where you can take notes in class.

 

I'm sure I'll think of more as the day wears on.  I will let you all know what happens at the dinner!

 

Comments

[Anne Martin Fletcher]

Also, notice that 10, 20, and 30 years later that the same male grads who, in my case at the US Air Force Academy (that other trade school), complained the loudest about Colorado Hip Disease on the women cadets, are now obese. My female cadets are very svelte at 50+ years old. Hee, hee.