On Saturday evening/night I was invited to go to a University of Arizona home football game. They are not especially known as a football powerhouse but I've always wanted to see one of these games because I live in Tucson and the town consists primarily of the University. In other words, the town was pretty empty during the game.
Two dear friends, Terri and Lisa, invited me to the game. I should actually say one "dear" friend (in the sense that she is a sweetheart loved by all) and the other one is a snarly little Italian who likes to mess with people (and I probably love her the best for those qualities). Terri (aka "the sweetheart") and I love to go see movies together and drink bloody marys at Dillinger Days and she has the nickname "McLovin'" because we went to see Superbad during an especially rough time in my non-career (I had quit my job with no other prospects) and we almost shot RedVines out of our noses because we laughed so hard. Lisa (aka "the Italian spitfire") is also beloved by all because she is absolutely hilarious and she has the ability to tell people the truth (i.e., you're all screwed up) without suffering any consequences. In fact, people love her MORE for telling them those things. I have no idea how she gets away with it but I love to watch her in action. I don't think I've ever seen someone tell so many high ranking and influential people to "get their head out of their ass" and come away unscathed. She truly has a gift. She told me that she was grilling the provost marshall of the U of A about the Mars landing project and asking him whether there was any practical purpose for it. She pointed out that going to the moon helped us get velcro and all but what did we hope to get out of this Mars thing. Apparently the answer is that it is only being done for "knowledge's sake." Not a good enough reason in my book.
She is also a Vice President of Cox Communications and she mandated that I give her credit for all her jokes.
Well, the only school I can compare college football games to is West Point so I'm a little screwed up in my observations. You'll have to bear with me. We go to a tailgate. Which is pretty universal. This one was sponsored by DM50 which are 50 local businesses that support Davis Monthan Air Force Base so they had this huge tent set up at the school where they served food and drinks. There were servicemembers and their families all over the place and we got red UofA baseball caps when we entered. Pretty cool. Lisa was the designated driver so Terri and I grabbed beers -- which they were running out of! No alcohol is allowed in the stadium. So you had to bring it IN YOUR STOMACH. Terri and I obliged although beer is pretty filling and we couldn't get that much in before the game. We also noticed that the line for the port-a-pottie at the tailgate was pretty long. These people had already "broken the seal" and were doomed for the rest of the night. I offered to put some beer in a laundry detergent container and smuggle it in but Terri said "Ahhh, no thanks."
To say that our seats were in the "nosebleed" section is being generous. They were in the "oxygen masks will drop from an overhead compartment" section. We kept going up and up. We looked over and noticed that the skyboxes on the other side of the stadium were at our same level. Thank God for the jumbo trons which replayed the little ants running around on that green patch. They announced that the national anthem was going to be sung by "international recording artists" the Tucson Messengers. International recording artists? What do you have to do to achieve that title? The Tucson Messengers were three older looking fellows who weren't that good. Afterwards, 4 A-10s flew over the stadium, at our height it felt like they were going to hit us. Pretty cool. I love those big slow planes.... (I have fond memories of watching them shoot tanks before us while we waited a safe distance for the 3d Armored Division to clear an area during Desert Storm.)
We were then all informed that it was "A" Day and that they were going to crown an "A" Day king and queen. They explained that "A" Day involved the group of freshmen who paint the big "A" on the hill outside of downtown Tucson (which can be seen from my front porch). I don't know why there has to be a king and queen of painting the "A" but, nevertheless, they showed up on the field and put crowns on this guy and gal. Maybe that's what they do to convince these poor people that its fun to paint rocks. They should think about doing something like that in the Army -- where they're expert at painting rocks.
I noticed a lot of Pima County sheriffs milling about. Could it be because there are a lot of military people here today? Why are there so many sheriffs? I'm always amused when I see the really fat guys with their "Smokey the Bear" hats on. They look like a sheriff from a sitcom. There are a lot of those guys in Virginia too, by the way. The announcer told us that we'd be "escorted out of the stadium" if we were caught sitting in a seat without a ticket for the seat. I looked at Terri and Lisa because, of course, we weren't sitting in our assigned seats. I couldn't imagine that they'd send us out for sitting in these seats. "No, no, you should be in the aneurysm section up there...." Lisa [here's some credit coming] said that we'd probably be arrested because we looked like we should be sitting in the skybox and not in these seats. [We did look extra classy...I can't help it you know.]
Speaking of skyboxes, Lisa invited me to the Cox skybox for a Diamondbacks game around the 4th of July and we got to enjoy the full Cox Communications luxury of the box. It was totally great. We also got the parking passes which had parking spots right outside of the entrance to the box area. The stadium has a retractable roof for night games, etc. but when its really hot in the summer they AIR CONDITION THE ENTIRE STADIUM. It was one of those hot days so the entire stadium was enclosed and air conditioned. Very comfortable. Talk about your carbon footprints. I did not feel one ounce of guilt for driving my F150 around after that.
The UofA students were way below us all wearing red shirts that said "Bear Down" and the words "Bear Down" were written on the field near the end zone. Now....the UofA are the WILDCATS and NOT the bears. I couldn't understand the weird bear references. It was like telling the Army Mule to "fly high" or "soar." How does a wildcat bear down? How about pounce or stalk or claw? How about spray with urine? These are things that wildcats do. The Army Mule kicks people's butts, holds fast, etc. Bear down....hmmmm. Anyway, this whole section of UofA students had square cards that they held up that were supposed to be coordinated to spell things. These kids had already had a lot to drink though and they couldn't spell anything. The jumbotron focused on them and the entire stadium of people tried to figure out what it was supposed to be saying. Cards were randomly flipped, some weren't up at all, it was a total mess. I though it was hilarious and commented that it certainly wasn't like the Beijing Olympics. Lisa said that Democracy has a tendency to screw up these kind of presentations. Good point. I just want to note that the UofA students stood for the entire game -- just like we did as cadets. Pretty cool. You don't sit while your team is playing. (They didn't have any 12th man references though.)
Oh, by the way, the Wildcats were playing the Oregon State Beavers. I have no idea why that school hasn't changed their mascot because its just plain silly. Too much to say. On the road to the game, I passed a car with a huge beaver tail attached to the trunk. Really?....
At halftime the UofA marching band appeared. I was surprised to see the band before the game because it never occurred to me that any school beyond high school would have a marching band in this day and age. I mean, at WP we had a little pep squad band but that was it. What else do you really need? They looked like high school kids too (that was largely because I've gotten much older). They had the hats with the plumes (like the WP parade hats or "tar buckets") and that was were the similarity ended. They were HORRIBLE marchers and were introduced as "The Pride of Arizona, The World's Only Alternative Marching Band." ?!?!?! Do they play alternative music only? How are they alternative? They "marched" out and then did a bunch of weird things like run from place to place and throw down their hats before they all fell on the ground and lay their like dead people. This is a band? What is going on? Is this a joke? They're not very good musicians also. Lisa, Terri and I just looked at each other. Now Lisa is an alumni and even she was confused. Lisa opined that "Maybe in 'band world' that really cool." Maybe.... I took a close look at the flag twirlers and thought for a moment that they were guys. Now THAT'S alternative. Nope...just some masculine looking chicks in pant suits (verified with thanks to the jumbotron). After they threw down their hats, all I could think about was when are they going to pick up their hats? Very disturbing and weird.
The Wildcat football team pretty much snatched defeat from the jaws of victory and despite having all good luck and penalties fall in their favor they managed to lose the game by 2 points. Way to go cats. I guess they should just stick to basketball -- although that's not going so well these days either. This air force guy wore this shirt that said "I score between periods" on the front of his shirt and "No Glove No Love" on the back. Classy. I should definitely hang out around the base. Now I know where to find my next boyfriend
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