Vernon's revenge...

Apparently not happy to just let bygones be bygones, in an inexplicable and wholly vicious move, one of Vernon's relatives had to go and attack a member of my family this weekend.  Yes, my brother had a kidney stone.  (Unfortunately he has refused to name it, so I'll call it Vernon II (aka kin of Vernon).)

 

Lying in wait like some sort of psychotic killer, Vernon II decided to start his journey through my brother's kidney early Saturday morning when my sister-in-law Esther was out of town and Todd was watching the baby by himself (of course).  I got the call from my mother and jumped out of bed to go over and get my brother to the hospital.  Todd was doubled over in pain and he could barely speak because he could barely breathe.  Unfortunately Hannah was still sound asleep and Todd didn't want to wake her so he hobbled over to his truck and drove himself to the ER while I waited for the little peanut to wake up.  She woke up about 20 minutes later and I took her to the ER with me to see how her Dad was.

 

When I got to the UofA Medical Center Urgent care, Todd was still sitting there and hadn't even been properly triaged yet.  He was in a horrible amount of pain and this creepy guy started talking to us.  He wouldn't shut up and Todd was about to lose it.  Mr. Creepy told me that he had some Darvocet in his truck if Todd wanted some.  Really?  Did this guy actually think that I would allow my brother to take some creepy urgent care lobby-sitting guy's prescription pain meds that he keeps in the glove compartment of his car?  The guy then told me that he wasn't allowed to take painkillers because he was addicted to them.  I just looked at him....waiting for an explanation regarding the Darvocet....nope....no explanation given.  Alright...so now I have an addict offering Darvocet to my brother.  Isn't there usually a police officer posted in most ERs?  My brother's response was to vomit.  He leaned over a trash can and let loose the hounds.  Wouldn't you think that that would incite some sort of reaction from the hospital guys?  Not really.  They DID push a bucket/tray thing through the hole of the plexiglass vault they were enclosed behind.  Thanks.....

 

The baby was getting restless and I wasn't too happy with her chance of making it out of that lobby without contracting some weird disease, so we had to leave poor Todd there.  He ended up staying there for about 6 1/2 hours.  Nice.  They did a CT scan on his kidneys and found that one was enlarged but that his "levels" were fine.  They told him that the kidney was probably just swollen from having a stone passed through it. I guess that makes sense...doesn't make me feel any better though....  He came home and actually felt pretty good for a while.  (Sort of like that old joke about hitting yourself in the head with a hammer because it feels so good when you stop....) 

 

While Todd was in the hospital, Hannah and I took Millhouse (Todd and Esther's dog) for a walk around the neighborhood and then Hannah and I went to a local park to play on the apparatus.  When we got to the park, we noticed a bunch of tents set up and some very strange-looking people.  Was there a renaissance fair going on?  No.  It was that group of people who dress all medieval and play fight.  I don't know what they're called.  They apparently emerged from their parents' basements for this event and gathered for the rallying cry of "hazzah."  I held Hannah very close....out of fear....  All comic book stores in Tucson were definitely empty or shut down at that time.

 

We got home and I learned the hard way that a baby shouldn't be given vermiccelli as finger food.  After I pulled the final strands of noodles from Hannah's hair, her Dad came home.  He said he was feeling pretty good (they gave him some painkillers....) and he wanted to go over to see a bonsai exhibit.  We all packed up into the car and drove over to the exhibit.

 

Now...I think Bonsai are beautiful and all and the exhibit was really interesting but I learned a little about Bonsai at that exhibit and I've decided that I don't really like it that much...as an artform that is.  It's very similar to binding feet in that it stunts growth so much that injury is inflicted.  The "art" in Bonsai is to get as close as possible to killing the tree without actually killing it.  Pretty distasteful.  Yes....contrary to what my schooling may indicate, I'm a softie that way.

 

The best part of this trip was that Todd got an ice cream cone and he was standing near Hannah's stroller and eating it.  Hannah noticed that he was eating ice cream and gave him a look with translated EXACTLY into "What the hell?!?  Really?!?  Are you seriously eating ice cream RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME and not offering me any?  Really?!?"  Don't mess with Hannah when it comes to ice cream.  Chastised, Todd reached over and shared the cone with Hannah.  Yeah Dad ... get your head out of your ass!  There was little (if any) indication that Hannah is only 14 months in that look.  We are in big trouble when she gets older.

 

Vernon II made his exit Monday morning and soon he'll be tested by the urologist.  By the way, Vernon II looked a lot like Vernon (I could see the family resemblance).

 

Comments

[Marney Mason]

Those people "who dress all medieval and play fight" are "SCA" Society for Creative Anachronism (no, I have not stooped to join them). They are also affectionatley known as "the duct tape people" since so much of their apparatus and costumes consist of cardboard and duct tape. I love this site. I really like the peas with honey reference too. "It keeps them on my knife."

[Marney O. Mason]

I always wanted to go to an SCA "treffen" in a zoot suit.
The Daily show did a bit a few years back on a troupe of Trekkies who go to the Texas Rennisance festival (Mecca for SCA-types)in full Trek-garb complete with trichorders and Klingon head-prosthetics and pretend to be an away-team from a starship studying a distant mideval culture. If you think the SCA are dorks, just imagine some Trekkies usurping their holiest event (in TX anyway) for their nefarious pseudo-adventure. I believe the trekkies won the Uber Geek award that day.