As some of you know very well (I'm talking to Andrew and Ray right now), I'm not a big fan of interns (aka summer associates). In fact, this stems all the way back to West Point where I wasn't too fond of my summer plebes...or my fall and spring plebes for that matter....(this time Ron, Carol and Joy can attest to this). I don't really know why I have this aversion but I generally find that they never appreciate the work you do for them and they are usually arrogant and a big pain in the ass (yes...even the WP plebes).
Starting with the plebes, Ron reminded me of a story where I got angry with a female plebe during summer training (or "Beast Barracks") during a forced march from this camp called Frederick back to West Point. Everyone carried about 55 lbs of stuff on their back for the march. Well, I found out that this female plebe had dumped a lot of her stuff (on other stronger cadets or just in the woods somewhere...I don't know) and her ruck sack was almost empty and extremely light. Wha?!? Well, that made me very angry...especially as a woman. I mean, how are women ever going to be taken seriously when one of us tries to get out of doing what everyone else is doing and pulls a stupid stunt like that? (By the way, Ron thinks this story is very very funny.) So....I did what I had to do and I found some very heavy rocks and put them in her ruck sack. I don't remember if she cried or not.
Cried, you ask? Yes. I have the unfortunate and uncanny ability to make summer interns and plebes cry. I DO yell sometimes but I've found that the quiet stuff will get them every time. Now...I don't try to do this at all. It just seems to happen when I give them the honest truth about their performance, etc.
Andrew and Ray have witnessed more than one summer associate cry in response to something I've said. I've unfortunately even made a junior associate cry. I don't know what the problem is. Really. I tell them that I'm not mad at them but I do not hesitate to tell them that they are not operating up to standards...at all. For example, a summer associate told me that "I should have listened to her voice mail" in response to a question I had....well....who the heck did she think she was talking to? I first said, "Wait a minute" and then told her that her response was totally "unacceptable" and that I wasn't "one of her friends." I was someone that she was trying to get work from. "This is the real world...if I don't want to listen to your voice mail and instead want you to repeat something 20 times, you're going to do it.....get a grip." She came by my office later crying her eyes out. Yeesh. There was this guy who was interviewing for a summer internship who took a telephone call from his mother during the interview. I mean, he didn't just say "whoops, I forgot to turn this thing off." He actually answered and had a conversation. I told him to get out of my office. He didn't cry but he looked like he was about to.
With that in mind, we had 3 interns in our office this summer. One was a dream, I think I mentioned that he had a great sense of humor and understood the absurdity of most of what we do around here. The next one was a little stiff at first but he came around and, although not as cool as number one, he did fine. The third guy......sigh.....let's just say that I couldn't stand the kid. (Did I sugar-coat that enough?) Of course, one of my colleagues was out on maternity leave and they gave me the job of assigning work to the interns. This third intern was just a dick. He started off by making fun of our second intern. On the first day. Why on earth would anyone in their right mind think that was a good thing to do in a new job? Next, he told all of us numerous times that he is writing another article and has already published one article on e-discovery and that he thought e-discovery was an interesting topic that he wanted to "get into" as a lawyer. Let me explain this. Discovery is the stuff you do before trial where you get an opportunity to look at and get copies of the other side's documents, etc. E-discovery has to do with "discovering" electronic files. Are you still awake? I'm not. Also, in the advent of the Internet and e-mails this was a big deal but now courts are much more familiar with what is and isn't readily available and most people know the deal about this topic. I looked at him. "Are you seriously telling me that you want to practice only in e-discovery?" "Well....I think it's the most interesting part of the law." "Well...that only really comes up in litigation so you might want to see about being a litigator first." His response...."we'll see." Like I didn't know what I was talking about. Incredible. (Can you already see what I'm talking about here?) His arrogance branched out to his work where I received several reports that he hadn't done a good job at all on his assignments, he wasn't a good writer and that he didn't follow directions well. A royal pain. There were also numerous other incidents where he butted into conversations and made inane comments. He felt so familiar with Chris that he actually asked to borrow money from him (in front of all of us one afternoon). Everyone admitted that he was weird and that he made them feel uncomfortable. I caught him staring into my office one time. (By the way, I didn't interview or hire this guy. He came from some hiring process that happened before I started.)
Today was a great day though because yesterday was his last day. I don't have to close my door from his prying eyes (his desk was right outside my office). They sent around a card and all I could muster was "good luck." I think he'll need it.
I know....I'm a meanie.
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