peas with honey

Edinburgh 8/24/03

Well, I have a few days to catch you guys up on...and they were full of parties and general mayhem.

On Friday we went to see our producer's show, God, Inc. It was really really boring and bad and we almost died during the performance. Luckily I had bought a Kit Kat candy bar before the performance and it gave me a small bit of happiness during the show. In the dressing room before our show, I gave
the flea people a bottle of champagne and wrote a funny card to them (for their encouraging words the night before). We had a love fest and then took group pictures.

The show went much better and Tanyalee said that I looked really relaxed on stage. It was fun again! Afterwards we went to the Gilded Balloon's wine bar (our official hangout these days) and one of the male jerk comedians (who lives in the other house) tried to tag along. Probably because we now are
known by the major comics in the festival here and are invited to all the parties and have seats waiting for us at most bars. Of course, when we showed up at the Gilded Balloon, the comic manager guy (Ian) had saved seats for "The Americans" and ordered us drinks. John Ryan and Rudi Lickwood (two
headliner comics who are basically our best friends here) were there and introduced us to another major UK comic, Matt Blaze (who looks like a black male model) and the guy who owns/runs the largest comedy website in the UK. We had a lot of fun (as usual) and basically ignored the male comic guy who
was tagging along. It was good to see him trying to be nice to us when he realized that we've been spending our time socializing and hanging out with industry people instead of fighting (like he has). Heh heh.

We finally went home and stood around trying to catch a cab. Tanyalee and I ended up walking home. (When cab drivers see a handicapped person they don't like to stop because they have to get out of their cabs to let down the ramp for her scooter. A harsh reality for a person like Tanyalee.) So...we
walked home together (she scooted and I walked) through the deserted streets at 5:00 a.m. We met this young scottish boy named Michael who was going our way and who we struck up a conversation with. He walked most of the way with us and told us all about growing up in Edinburgh. He just finished training as a welder. He was really nice and funny and we actually enjoyed the 45 minute walk/scoot. I'm sure his friends didn't believe him when he told the story of meeting a midget on a scooter and her friend. He even sang some Red Hot Chili Peppers songs for us (his favorite band).

The next morning we had to get up early (by 1:00 p.m.) to go on an outing with Tanyalee's friend, Bob. He took us out of the city to a beautiful town called Dunkeld where we had lunch by the river Tay and toured an old cathedral. Afterwards we drove down the coast to St. Andrews (where there's a famous golf course and where Prince William is going to University). It was a really pretty university town with an excellent view of the North Sea (I saw some oil platforms too).

After we got back, we all dressed up for the show and went out. We had another hard time getting a cab and Tanyalee and I just made the show. Bob went with us. Right after her set, Tanyalee had to go to another comedy club to doing another show. I was up late in the show so I stayed and met Tanyalee at the other club "Tron" afterwards. I thought my set went well and that people laughed. I don't know why actually but all of the other comics complained that the audience was dead and that no one did well. I'm not quite sure if they were just being there normal bitter selves or whether I was living in some kind of dream state. I guess it doesn't really matter since I had a good time.

After my show, we went to Tron and picked up Tanyalee and said hi to some of the other comics. We then went to the Perrier Awards party -- which is the biggest party of the entire festival where they name the best comedy show and best newcomer show and those awards basically guarantee the careers of whoever receives them. It was strictly invitation only. We got in with no problem (thanks to our UK comic friends). The party was held in the Edinburgh Art College and it was really really cool. There was a live band in a big wood-floored area which huge laser lights everywhere and balloons, etc. When we got in we were given the obligatory bottles of Perrier (it was in plastic bottles though) and we were led onto the dance floor where we proceeded to dance our butts off. Tanyalee was jumping up and down on the
seat of her scooter and we were dancing all over the place. Sweat was dripping off my entire body (it was really gross). One of the UK comics had a free drink pass so we were supplied with free mixed drinks the whole night too. Heh heh. The band was great and they played a ton of great 80s dance
songs (i.e., Madness, the Kinks, etc.). There was this guy doing promotions for a game site who had a motorized football (soccer ball) that he let Tanyalee ride around the dance floor. She said that it was loads of fun. What was really funny was the amount of people who took her picture on that
football via their Nokia, etc. telephone cameras. I've never seen anyone really use that capability and never 15 people in a group. It was weird. Scottish people love their cell phones (which they call mobiles here) and they text message each other like crazy. I had to figure out how to do that. It is apparently much cheaper to text (10p) than to call. I might have to try that in the U.S.

After the Perrier party (which we had to tear ourselves away from), we went to the Guilded Balloon bar and mellowed out and drank some cokes while waiting for the rest of our friends. There was no room in the bar and the tables were all taken, so we parked ourselves on the floor near the juke box and started a trend. When the UK boys came, they joined us on the floor and we just had great laughs until they kicked us out of the bar at 5:00 a.m. We went home again with the sun rising.

This morning we all had to get up and clean the flat because the landlord was coming by to see about giving us back the security deposit. It was funny because Tanyalee was vacuuming, I was cleaning the kitchen, Dana was straightening up the living room and dining room and Chris was mowing the lawn. Such a scene of domesticity! Only Dana was hung over though. Once again, there was a miracle and Tanyalee and I didn't get hangovers. This place is dangerous because I don't seem to have to pay the consequences of drinking a lot (like I usually do). Those familiar with my antics will be surprised to learn that I haven't vomited once!!

Well, tonight is our last show and I need to get ready for that. Besides this internet cafe closes in a little while.

Edinburgh 8/22/03

Yesterday was really windy and cold. It was pretty gross. We were supposed to go on an outing but the weather prevented it. So, we decided to try and catch a few more shows. We all decided that we'd seen a lot of one person shows and stand up and decided that we would try something different so we went to a sketch show called "Slaughterhouse Live." We got in free again (flashing the "Midget card"). The sketches were absolutely ridiculous and we laughed so hard that there were tears coming from our eyes. There was a fellow who had a pet wheat sheaf, a blind juggler and inventer of tobasco eye drops, two really bad stand up comics who end up killing each other, the world's smallest man, a talking duck, a butcher with singing giblets, etc. I think you probably get the idea by now. Oh yeah...a singing fetus too. Afterwards we stayed to thank the guys and they were so happy to see us and told us that they'd seen our show the other night and thought we were brilliant (that isn't as great as it sounds because people over here say that all the time). Anyway, we had no idea and it was pure chance that we saw their show but we loved it a lot.

One thing I noticed over here is that most of the guys don't ever brush their hair. There is a continuous flow of "bed head." I can't say that it necessarily looks bad but it is interesting.

After Slaughterhouse, we went to see the show of a comic we'd partied with the night before, Rudi Lickwood. His show is called "Black, British and Proud." It was horrible. This guy is a headliner around the UK but it was such a boring show with a ton of cliches. That guy is managed by the same person who is going to take on Tanyalee in the UK -- he let us in free of course. Actually we have an unbroken streak of seeing free shows here. I haven't paid for one show yet.

We then met with our producer Paul, who wanted to discuss the money and compensation issues. The evil comics living in the "boys flat" are threatening the producer with a lawsuit and want him to sign another contract. Is there anywhere I can go to escape the law? (I'm sure that's been said by many people before me -- on both sides of the law.) Anyway, the threats seem like a load of crap and I told our producer that. Also, this one comic keeps claiming that he's a lawyer and I checked him out on the Cal Bar and NY Bar Websites and he doesn't show up. Guess what dude....you gotta pass a bar to be a lawyer in America!! Idiots!

Then the show.....well.....there's not much to say....except....I was hoping that a plane who crash into our venue during my set and I was thinking about setting our audience on fire. I bombed big time. No one did well but I really took a nuke. I took it pretty hard too. Maybe it was the cold medicine but I went down to the dressing room afterwards and had a little cry. Some of the fellows from the flea circus came over to me and cheered me up and gave me a group flea hug (otherwise known as a flug). It was really nice. I wish I could ship those guys over to the US with me. Tanyalee and some of the other comics were really encouraging and told me stories about when they bombed much harder that me. Then I got my act together and went out to a wild invitation only comics party.

Of course, the boys in the evil boys flat got the package with our invitations and forgot to bring ours to the show. So....we pulled out that damn Midget Card again and got ourselves ushered right in. The party was completely crazy with a DJ and free booze and all of the award nominated comedians mingling about. We had a great time and I danced with a lot of really cool comics. We also ran into a bunch of people who loved our show and who we loved -- in return (it's only fair). The Slaughterhouse Live people brought me drinks all night and we hung out with some really funny, wacky people -- ahhhh, my tribe. For once, I didn't feel like the crazy member of the group...I was perfectly normal.

We partied until 5 a.m. and finally left the party -- which was still going at full throttle at that time. I took a bunch more of cold medicine and passed out. The end. Today the adventure continues. By the way, I'm taking a load of pictures that I'll have to send around. Day 2 of debauchery starts tonight!

Edinburgh 8/21/03

I had a really great time yesterday. In the morning I took a bus to the city center so that I could mail a few packages home. While leaving the post office I was literally forced into a shoe store...where I proceeded to buy 4 new pairs of shoes. Luckily I brought an extra bag to pack them in (I'm a
prepared shopper!). While I waiting for the bus back to the flat, I sat on the curb and ate a cherry scone. People gave me weird looks as they passed. Maybe it was the look of ecstacy on my face -- that scone was rockin'! The bus finally came and passed right by the stop. Luckily there was traffic so
he didn't get far. I jumped up and chased after him and banged on the door. He let me in and we had a few words (or so I believe, because he sounded just like Groundskeeper Willie). I know that I had some words at least.

I got home and showered and dressed and we all went back to the city center to see a show. After my glowing recommendation, we all decided to see the show by a group called Gud again. They were the australian guys I saw about a week ago. They were just as awesome as the first time and everyone loved them! Afterwards we all went out to dinner at a pub named after a woman who was hanged and survived (Maggie Dickson). After she miraculously survived her hanging and being pronounced dead, it took the Edinburgh brain trust almost a week to decide that she shouldn't be hanged again and she lived for 40 more years. The pub was fun and I actually had a substantial meal with chicken and no deep fried vegetables. We took over the juke box and played 80s music and we all started singing. Soon, everyone in the pub was joining in. You really haven't lived until you've sung "Come on Eileen" with a bunch of drunk scottish people. Then we had to get to our show.

The show was alright. There were only about 20 people in the audience and the room was really hot again. They just sort of stared at us all. No one did really well. I did just fine and got laughs, etc. but it wasn't a great night for everyone.

Oh yeah. I have a cold and yesterday morning I went to the Chemist (pharmacist) to get some medicine. They gave me throat lozenges with antibiotics in them (over the counter) and some antihistamines. They seem to be working alright. I am not letting a cold stop me though because this is such a unique opportunity and I'm not going to lay around in bed while everything happens.

John Ryan -- I believe I've mentioned him before -- an outstanding english comic came to our show again. He has taken an interest in my career and he sat me down after my set and we refocused my comedy. I almost have my one woman show written now. He is really brilliant and he writes for the biggest english comedy web site. Too bad he's married with two kids.

We also have occasional guest appearances from this american "star" named Reggie McFadden. I'd never heard of him but apparently he's been on Letterman a lot and stuff. Anyway, he was on our show again last night and he went out with us. He wants me to do some stuff in a project he's developing and he thinks I'm really funny. If they guys weren't such a player, I'd be much more excited.

Anyway, we all went out after the show to the "comic's hangout" in the Guilded Balloon venue and basically drank, sang and talked until 4 a.m. It was a load of fun. A couple of fans of ours came by and bought us drinks. It's fun to be recognized. People get so excited to see you on the street after they've seen you on stage. Anyway, I usually buy those people a drink or something (you've got to treat your fans well).

Tanyalee's stalker (Paul) "coincidentally" showed up at the Guilded Balloon again. He hovered around and we finally got him on videotape talking about how great she is (with Tanyalee rolling her eyes in the background). John Ryan's comedy management team was drinking with us and they finally helped to
get rid of him. John's manager is a really great guy (that's the fellow I spoke with a few days ago) and it was weird last night because he has an identical twin -- who we all mistook for him. Based on my limited experience with identical twins, I think I need to stay away from those people because
they are universally creepy (hee hee that's a little joke for Gene Bush).

Everything is going well. I have to wake up early one of these next few days because there's this israeli actor who keeps hounding me to see his show at 1:45 p.m. -- is that guy crazy or what...how am I supposed to get up that early?

Tonight is supposed to be really big -- 7 industry guys are coming to see our show. I'm a little torn because I would love to incorporate John's suggestions in my show but they are untested....then again...I could really rock the house. ahhhhhhhhhhh!

Edinburgh 8/20/03

Yesterday was really cold and windy and ... it rained! We californians almost had heart attacks! What the heck is that? Why is it falling down so straight? Will it hurt my collagen treatments? Why is Arnold running for governor? Does my butt look fat in these trousers? I digressed a little.

The three amigos (Tanyalee, Dana and I) decided to go see some of the other shows at the Fringe. We saw this scottish woman that Tanyalee knew from another standup gig's one woman standup show. It was pretty good. She was thrown off because this couple brought their 9 year old child to the show.
Apparently her show is not usually suitable for that age group but she sat the boy up in the front row and made the best of it. She told us later that she put him there to remind her and for the show to be fun for the boy. It was still a good show.

Afterwards we went to see the show of one of our drinking buddies. His name is Mike Dwyer and he's from Adelaide, Australia. So totally hilarious! His show definitely gave me inspiration for putting together my show. It was called "I was a Pub Kid." Afterwards we talked about Lleyton Hewitt (who he
knows and says is a jerk). He also thought that Lleyton has a girlfriend that looks like him. heh heh

We were then looking for something to eat (it was already after 9 p.m.) and ran across a bar that advertised karaoke. Dana really wanted to sing a song so we sat in the back of this really disgusting bar (by the pool table) and waited for her turn. As if that wasn't bad enough, she chose 99 Red Balloons
(or Luftballoons). It was painful. Afterwards she wanted to play pool for a little bit and Tanyalee and I went to the venue to prepare for the show. (I wanted to go backstage and goof off with the flea circus people because they're loads of fun.) Fortunately they were still there and I had fun. The master of ceremonies (or compere as they call them here) is hilarious. His name is Arnold Frenzy and the circus is named after him: "Arnold Frenzy's Strangely Compelling Flea Cirkus."

The show went really well. I did even better than yesterday and one of the other comics even suggested a new joke for me (which is hilarious). I can't wait to try it tonight! We had a pretty decent sized audience again and it was really cool.

Afterwards we went to this other comedy club "Tron." My favorite english comic of the festival, Carey Marx, was there. We all had a drink together after his set. Then, we still hadn't eaten anything and we found a place on the Royal Mile that served pasta until 3 a.m. I don't think I could have stomached any more pizza or kebabs. It was actually pretty good and afterwards we decided to go home. I've actually developed a little bit of a sore throat and stuffy nose. The changes in weather as well as the old,
musty venue is starting to get to me. The other comics say "don't worry, it's just asbestos." O.K., cool.

Edinburgh 8/19/03

Yesterday was an adventure. I went shopping with a lesbian and a midget on a scooter. Tanyalee and I had a great time trying on clothes and her dictating what clothes she wanted me to try on and cruising down the street. The lesbian, Dana, however wasn't enjoying any of it and we felt sort of bad for
her. After all...Tanyalee and I are just girls...it's in our genes. We all went out for an early dinner afterwards (which Tanyalee bought because we've done so much for her). Then we went back to the flat to shower and dress for the show.

When I'm with Tanyalee we get stopped almost everywhere so that people can talk to her. It's pretty nice. The people here are really friendly. The best times are when we shock the heck out of someone though. Tanyalee and I have numerous pictures of blank or incredulous scottish faces. heh heh heh

The show went very well. Three bookers for the comedy store in London came to our show and loved it. Tanyalee also got the card from a scout for cirque de soleil in montreal. (I can imagine some acrobat dressed in gauze throwing her up in the air while strange animal-dressed people hold her up with
strings. She was a little horrified.) Afterwards we all went out for a drink and I had a really nice discussion with a talent manager from London who manages a lot of the great comics here. He's interested in taking on Tanyalee and he said that he thinks I have a lot of potential. I'm really
starting to believe that I need to get a one person show together and get that sucker on the road. People here are really receptive to that type of stuff.

I'm getting better every day. I get laughs on every joke now and claps at least one or twice a show. It's going very well. Tanyalee has taught me a lot about delivery. She says that my writing is up there with the best but my delivery is what really is going to sell it. She's right.

We went out for drinks with several other english comics and met a couple more fans of our show (who we invited for drinks). It's sort of a cool situation.

It's pretty funny. There are these scottish kids on the computer next to me who're playing on the library's playstation 2. They're playing some sort of Harry Potter computer game....very excitedly. It's so cute with their little accents. Oh well.

It was extremely windy last night. Sort of santa ana like but cold. I don't really know what it means other than the obvious -- a cold front is moving in. We're starting to wear coats now. I actually don't think I brought in enough cool weather gear. A lot of the comics are getting sick -- especially
in the other house. I know that at least one guy is sick because he's a hypochondriac (he admitted as much).

I'm sure you missed my update yesterday but I didn't get a chance to spend any real time in the internet cafe or the library (because it was closed) yesterday.

Anyway, Saturday night went really well. I'm getting better and better. Afterwards we went out and had a lot to drink. We met a bunch of english, scottish and irish comics who we partied with and we were laughing the entire night. We didn't get home until almost 6 in the morning (the sun was coming
up). Tanyalee (the little person) took a lot of video from that night and we watched it yesterday and laughed a lot.

Sunday we recovered and no one got up until after 3 in the afternoon. We just sat around and watched BBC and drank water all day. That evening we all had to tear ourselves away from Titanic to go back into the city for our show. We had dinner (scottish pizza). The menu at dinner said that one of
the toppings you could order for your pizza was haggis. You could also get baked beans. For Christ's sake!! We met the documentary film guys and they interviewed us before the show and followed us after the show.

The show went well again. For a Sunday night we had almost 50 people there. Pretty good. After the show we all went to another comedy club called The Tron. We were followed there by our first groupie. A guy from London named, Guy. (I'm serious.) Anyway, we let him tag along and got him into the clubs
free. It was a bit annoying though and after a while we started verbally abusing him (he stuck with us though -- no matter how hard we tried to lose him). He had gone to our show twice in a row and declared that we were "brilliant." Tanyalee also has a "stalker" named Paul. We ran into him and Tanyalee accused him of being a stalker. He said "it's just coincidence." He seems to have some sort of mental disability. How do you file a restraining order in Scotland?

We stopped by a party on High Street (the Royal Mile) and it was in a penthouse apartment. Tanyalee couldn't go up there so she just stayed on the pavement (aka sidewalk) and we threw beers down to her...when we remembered. Just kidding!! We did go up and check it out and there were a lot of theater people up there who were extremely funny. I met a really interesting fellow from Barcelona who was intent on discussing the cultural and political aspects of the Edinburgh festival. He spoke english pretty well but it was difficult to focus in on him while dozens of people were dancing. Why do I
always meet people who want to have intense conversations in the middle of a riot?

We left and went to a bar in this other comedy venue called "The Gilded Balloon" where some of our comic friends met up with us. Guy was still there too. We had a few drinks and said goodbye to the cameras and went home. I was pretty tired. A booker for the Comedy Store in London is supposed to
come to the show tonight so we'll all be there with bells on. I'm thinking about taking the next night off and going down to London with one of the comics to check stuff out. We'll see.

Edinburgh 8/16/03

Yesterday was pretty mellow. I didn't do much and didn't go out in the city but I did go on a walk with "little person" Tanyalee (she was on a scooter). We went on this path that turned into a forest path and was very very beautiful and serene. It is sort of a hoot to walk around with Tanyalee because people don't know what the heck to make of her. She handles it pretty well and, obviously, has a sense of humor about it.

In typical european coolness, there was an old manor house that had been turned into the Ranger/Vistor's center that serves tea and cake on Sunday afternoons -- so you know that I'm definitely going back!!

Afterwards we all went into the city to see this irish comic Jon Ryan who has come to our shows and supported us. He is a total sweetheart and wouldn't let us pay to see his show. He did a one hour, one man show that really sweet and funny. I think that a lot of the jokes were lost on the other US
comics but I thought that it was totally hilarious. (It had a lot of references to the Catholic Church, Richard Branson and Kyle Minogue (sp?)). I'm really enjoying the scottish/british/english comics and that is probably because I'm pretty much addicted to the BBC America channel. They've made fun of the "Changing Rooms" show, "The Office" and several others. I'm usually the only one laughing in our crowd.

Afterwards we had dinner at an italian restaurant -- did you really think that I'd go to a scottish restaurant? A female US comic from Seattle joined us and, after about 2 minutes of conversation, made us all want to commit suicide to put us out of hour misery. She would not shut up and she was
totally stupid -- she gave some guy who claimed to be an agent $10,000 and didn't sign any contract and is now surprised that he's not really doing anything for her. The word on the street is that her show isn't very good too. She is planning on moving to LA. Yeah, that's what they need in LA, more stupid comics/actresses. But, at least the scammers' income will be enhanced with her arrival. So, someone will be pleased.

After dinner, we had our show which went relatively well. The audience was pretty big -- about 60 people. We are consistently doing really well with the audience and, so far, I should end up with about $1500 or so back from the profits at the end of this (according to the other comic's estimates --
that is all they seem to worry about). The event of the evening was when one of the more established comedians, Barry (I can't remember his last name right now), yelled at one of the nicer comedians -- Chris Neff -- after Chris' set and told him that his jokes ruined the show for the rest of the
comedians because he used the F word too many times. Now, Chris does use the F word a lot but he's a young guy and it sort of goes with his stuff. Barry, on the other hand, (the self-proclaimed sheriff of stand up comedy), had no right to yell at poor Chris and make him feel bad right after his set. I
went on two people after Chris and did pretty well -- no big deal.

Some of the other comedians are such dicks. I guess its no different than LA. So, for the rest of the evening I hung out with Chris and had coffee with him while he vented. I hopefully talked him out of quitting the show and going to London for the rest of his time here -- although that sounded
like a really good idea.

I'm learning a lot as a comedian here and I'm already tons better than I was before this trip. Everytime I get off stage I've learned another lesson. So, its not all bad.

The library (and free internet) is closed tomorrow so I'll have to find an internet cafe and my message might not be first thing in the morning for you.

Edinburgh 8/15/03

I did much better last night. In fact, I changed some of my jokes and added a joke about Germans (which got me laughs and clapping). One new joke about men in the US military was met with total silence though. Crazy. Also, I messed up one of my jokes -- so the opportunity for more laughs tonight is pretty good. Since tonight is a Friday night, the crowd should be good. We had about 35 people there last night and several other comics who we've all met through the festival were there and they gave me some good feedback and some props. So, on the suck-scale, it was about middle of the road. Of
course, I'll never be happy until they're throwing roses at my feet and hoisting me in the air.

Yesterday I got up and went into town. Notice a pattern? I decided that I should get a bus pass instead of buying a ticket everytime and I went to the train/bus station in the city center. The areas around the city center are called "town." So, you have to be really specific when you want directions. You're going away from the action if you "go towards town." As I'm sure you can guess, I have learned a lot of things the hard way here.

I spent a lot of time yesterday going over my act and settling down. I went to dinner with a Scottish fellow I met the night before and I was instantly sorry. He is a really nice but the guy wouldn't shut up. What made it worse was that I could hardly understand what he was saying. Of course, no amount
of "what?", "pardon?" or "excuse me?" seemed to give him any type of hint to slow down or to shut up. Oh well.

After the show I went out to another comedy club with some of the comics and we heard some comics who were not very funny. Then, we had pizza and walked home. Sort of a boring day actually.

I'm planning on trying to book a day bus tour to the highlands today. One of the comics showed me a cool brochure and he's planning on taking this trip which leaves at 9 in the morning and comes back at 7 in the evening. Which gives me plenty of time before my show. It would be nice to see the
countryside. I might take a day off next week and take a train down to London and stay there overnight too. What the heck!!

This morning I got up and was drinking a diet pepsi for breakfast when Tanyalee (the "little person" in our house) came out of her room all disheveled. She gave me a stern look and said "When do you people get up?" I said "noon." Then we both laughed.....I guess you had to be there...or you can just picture Tanyalee laughing...because that's funny. The deal is that we are basically vampires here. We stay up all night and go to sleep at 5 or 6 in the morning. Getting up at noon is simply an act of extreme willpower. I don't want to miss the entire day.

Edinburgh 8/14/03

Welllllllll, I didn't do too well last night. Actually there were little crickets with kilts on chirping away in the audience (and playing little bagpipes) after the punchlines from most of my jokes. There was one guy laughing really hard though (and I paid him handsomely for it). The audience of 30 looked like they were all about 15 years old. Oh well, I guess I have no where to go but up! It was also about 100 degrees in the venue because the air wasn't working. By the way, the venue is about 500 years old and it
looks like a bomb shelter or wine cellar (quansat hut dome-like shape). I know I spelled quansat hut wrong but just say it out loud and you'll get my meaning.

So...I really want this trip to end now so that I can go home and crawl under the covers and rock myself gently to sleep -- like I do most days when I'm alone. Most of the other comics were really nice and they said the audience was the worst ever and that I shouldn't measure myself by that. So...of course...I am totally ignoring them and I firmly believe I stink. No, I'm going to get my butt up there tonight and try again and then go up the next night and etc., etc. The thought of it is a little daunting though.

Well, before my dreams were crushed yesterday evening, I went out around the city and took a bus to the Scottish National Gallery to see the hugh Monet exhibit they have there. The bus stop was about 3 blocks away from the museum on the biggest shopping street in the city -- so I had to go in a few
shops. Luckily I made it to the exhibit before it closed at 6 p.m. The exhibit was really nice though. There were some really interesting paintings that Monet did that I've never heard of or seen before -- those, of course, were the best of all of them to me.

Afterwards, I went up to the street where the Fringe is going on and watched some street acts. There was a group of Mormon boys on their mission who were staring in wonder at these street performers and the street performers, in turn, were staring in wonder at the Mormons. I told the street performers to run while they still had a chance. Then I saw this guy stand on a bicycle 6 feet in the air while juggling a torch, knife and apple (and taking bites out of the apple). Before I inadvertently knocked over the pole he was balancing on, the show was really good. (Just checking to see if you're still awake.)

Afterwards I sat in a coffee shop and went over my act (for apparently no good reason) and then I went to a small pizza shop for dinner. As I was waiting for my pizza, a "lady" sat next to me and started talking. "She" was wearing hugh false eyelashes and lots of makeup. "She" was very friendly and
interesting, etc. but as you can tell by the quotes, I'm no so sure whether this person was male or female. Anyway, I finished my dinner quickly and excused myself to meet some comics at this other venue where they were doing a free show.

The venue was a bar with a pool table and several really burly-looking scottish fellows. They heckled the comics mercilessly and called the male australian comics "Sheila" repeatedly. One of the more established comics from my show bailed out after that. He said that he doesn't perform under those conditions. Anyway, the "little person" that lives in my house went up and won the crowd over. Afterwards we went to my show and you know what happened.

After the show we went to this other comedy club and I was introduced to the booker there (of course I really didn't care by that time). We stayed and watched these other scottish comics and they were really funny. I laughed really hard. So, the evening ended up alright.

I really love your messages and good thoughts. Maybe I didn't get the full force of them before my show because of the time difference. Now that I know I have them, I can't fail!! I'm sure you've guessed that it wasn't as bad as I say it was but I really like being overly dramatic.

Edinburgh 8/13/03

Yesterday I went to the Edinburgh castle and . . . it was pretty boring. It was pretty small but them again, so were the people at that time. It sits on an extinct volcano and has been attached and taken over by the English many many times. A lot of you who know about my bizarre interest in the Black
Plague should be glad to know that it hit especially hard here during the 1200s.

I have got into the habit of stopping at this local diner-type restaurant on the way to the library. There is this really charming Scottish lady there who makes my lattes and wishes me luck with my comedy. The place is great because it's always filled with much older Scottish people and they give me a
hard time about George Bush and make jokes with me. This morning a lady told me, after her husband had finished his lunch, that he was "fed and watered." It reminded me of someone I know (Ray).

After the castle, the comic I was with went back to the apartment and I stayed and walked around the fringe festival and saw some street performers. They were really fun. How can you deny that a group of guys wearing bras and jeans and drinking beers aren't fun? At one point I just sat on the curb and
watched all of these freaks go by.

Later, I met one of the producers of the show at another venue and we saw a fringe show called "Gud." They were an australian trio that sang these parodies of songs and told jokes. They were absolutely hilarious!! I couldn't believe how funny and innovative they were! I even bought their CD.

Next I went over to where our show was and because I wasn't performing last night, I saw another show during our time slot. There are these funny English guys who share a dressing room with us who have a Flea Circus. It was such a funny show! I was especially impressed with fleavil kneivel and his motorcycle tricks. I have to admit that a re-enactment of the Muhammed Al Flea v. George Fleaman fight was pretty good too. How did I ever miss going to a flea circus before?

I caught the end of the show, which was apparently well received. Afterwards, the documentary film crew followed us as we went out to celebrate two of the comics who left this morning. It was pretty out of control and I left early. You can only handle so much mugging for the camera from those
guys without thinking that you'd rather be at home reading a book.

Tonight I go up for the first time!! I'm a little nervous because I really want to do well and the other comics are merciless if you bomb. I just want to stay under their radar and get out of here alive. I guess when you sit around all day (like they do), there's nothing else to do but critique everyone else's set. Sort of a microcosm of Los Angeles -- which is what I always wanted -- I didn't think I was being criticized enough at home.