peas with honey

Vegas Spew-Nami

September 1st was Dan's birthday so we flew off to Las Vegas for a couple of days to celebrate.

 As anyone knows who has been to Vegas, you are very very excited to get there and, after a day or two, can't wait to get home.  I drove to Vegas once from Los Angeles and sang and was very excited for the first hour of the drive but that excitement wore off and I got tired and cranky for the remaining 3 hours of the drive.  On the bright side, once you arrive, you do get a big hit of adrenaline when you hear the slot machines and see all the lights, etc. of Vegas.  So, when you get to Vegas you are excited again....for a while.  Going home is an entirely new deal though.  The remember that the almost 4 hour drive home to Los Angeles was hell and it seemed like 8 hours (or definitely 5 hours).  All I remember is that I couldn't wait to get home and it took forever!  Even flying home is too long.  (Where is the teleportation that we were promised when they showed us "the future" in elementary school?)  

Once you decide its time to go home from Vegas, you want to be home immediately.

Anyway, we got to Vegas around midnight and I was pretty tired but I rallied and we set out for the casino floor.  Of course, we had to play Wheel of Fortune on the slot machine (the only game I can tolerate on a slot machine largely because the machine yells "Wheel of Fortune" when you hit "spin" on any of the wheels and a big wheel on top spins for credits....this doesn't sound that great but, believe me, its much better in person).

After playing that (and winning a little bit...heh heh), we went out to find very long daiquiri drinks that we could conspicuously carry and sip while walking down the Vegas strip.  Let me tell you, these are not hard to find at all.  They are sold all over the place.  We each got 64 ounce (i.e., really big) drinks.  I got a strawberry daiquiri and Dan got a pina colada (with extra shots).  I think these things already have 6 shots in them so Dan's drink was basically petrol with coconut milk.  Dan asked for two straws and then he told the fellow behind him that all real Vegas "players" ask for two straws.  Of course, the idiot behind Dan asked for two straws....which Dan got a big kick out of.  Also, Dan wore his "vacation hat" pretty much the entire trip.  Its a tan australian-looking hat which he bought at the Fairfax Farmer's Market in Los Angeles.  I like the hat because I can identify him in a crowd.  We walked down the strip with our humongous drinks.

Now, I'm a complete chicken when it comes to gambling and gave myself a $200 limit for the entire trip.  I hadn't yet taken out the $200 but had a couple of $20 bills in my wallet and I was already "up" because I put in $20 and won $65 on Wheel of Fortune.  I was feeling flush.  Because I was up, I ended up watching Dan play and didn't play any more that night.  That's where the trouble began.  Dan found a single-deck black jack game in Harrah's (yes...they DO exist) and was playing and I was watching and joking along with the table and steadily sipping my daiquiri......I was so steadily sipping my daiquiri that I drank the whole thing before Dan even finished half of his.  As we were back on the Strip walking, I started to feel sort of bad.  My stomach actually felt cold on the outside!  I was feeling worse and worse.  We started heading back to our hotel room because I wasn't getting any better.  As we approached the hotel, about a block away from the entrance, my stomach couldn't hold it anymore and I threw up on the Vegas Strip.  It was pretty much pure strawberry daiquiri coming back up.  I'm surprised there wasn't "slushy" in it.  This was all in the close proximity of several Vegas police officers who (fortunately) were busy arresting a black man and questioning his buddy.  Phew (although I'm sure they would have just ignored me anyway).  To Dan's credit and although he found it quite amusing, he didn't take any pictures.  

He helped me back to the hotel room and tucked me in and he went back down to the casino to gamble.  The next morning he sent me a text saying that he was still in the casino.  I texted back but got no response so I got dressed and went out to find him.  I was standing on the 26th floor hotel elevator lobby looking out the window at the pool and the "grounds" of the hotel below when I heard my name being called down the corridor.  Dan came ambling up in his hat and said "I thought that looked like you."  Apparently he'd been wandering around the multiple towers of the hotel for 20 minutes or so looking for our hotel room.  Nice (although we definitely make quite the pair).  

We decided to go back to the room and put on our swimsuits and go to the hotel pool.  The pool was officially called the "Go Pool" which was weird.  We had a heck of a time finding open lounge chairs (at 8:45 in the morning) but we finally found two in a decent area. A lot of people claim chairs by throwing beach towels on them and then never show up.  There was this hotel lady who came by and would throw people's stuff into plastic bags in order to free up chairs that were sitting unclaimed for long periods of time.  I had no idea what the "time limits" were so I was a little concerned that we'd come back to our chairs and find all our stuff gone....  From our chairs we could see a large fake rock formation on one side of the pool with a water fall that fell into the pool (and a grotto underneath).  This was just begging for a challenge.  Dan started challenging everyone he met to climb up there and jump off the rock formation.  Of course, the water was only about 3-4 feet deep at that end but that didn't stop Dan.  No...not at all.

Dan and I definitely didn't fit in with this pool crowd either.  That's because we didn't look like were trying to audition to be cast in Jersey Shore.  I felt old and stuffy but I'm ok with that (its better than being associated with that show).  This might have been fun when I was in say.....high school.....but I probably still would have felt pretty gross afterwards.

We showered and went back to the casino and Dan introduced me to a poker-like game where I put in $100 and won $250 each on two different hands.  Pretty awesome!  I walked away (thank you Kenny Rogers).

I don't remember what else we played but we wandered around the casino and neighboring casinos and played at Ceasar's Palace a little.  The lack of sleep finally hit Dan and we went up to sleep relatively early (for Vegas).

The next morning we checked out and stored our bags and went over to Ceasar's palace to place Dan's annual bet on the Rams to win the superbowl.  That was actually the initial justification for the trip (besides the birthday thing).  The odds weren't as outlandish as they were last year (75 to 1) but they were still significant (25 to 1, I think).  I'm sure Dan will correct my post to put in the correct odds.

Dan got another big pina colada and we walked through the Ceasar's Palace forum shops and came across a memorabilia store with a Dick Butkus autograph signing session.  He was there and Dan bought an 8x10 glossy which he autographed "with friendship, Dick Butkus"....Dan likes to say that they're personal friends now.  

Dan had me hold his big drink because he was worried that Dick Butkus would punch him in the face for drinking a "girlie" drink like that.  Mr. Butkus also complimented Dan on his hat.  He also noticed Dan's Rams watch which he commented on and asked Dan where he was from.  Dan told him that he was from New York and Dick said "You're from New York and you're a Rams fan...that makes sense."  EXACTLY!  It doesn't make sense at all.  I actually got a picture of Dick Butkus shaking his head in dismay at Dan's Rams watch.  

The last time we were in Vegas we got this coupon book that we could present at Ceasar's Palace and get cheesy medallions with Ceasar's face on them.  WE LOVE THOSE MEDALLIONS.  Dan has worn that medallion to several events (including a wine tasting where he told these 80 year old ladies that he was an olympic gold medalist).  We didn't have the coupons this time but thought we'd take a chance and ask for more medallions.  The lady behind the counter was skeptical but Dan batted his baby blues and told her it was his birthday recently and she gave them to us!  We wore them until we had to check our bags because we weren't sure how they would fare in the TSA line.....being so flashy and all.

After a 25 hour flight (I exaggerate) we finally arrived home.  Thank God.

 

I hate myself for lovin' you....Joan.

Last night Dan and I went to a Joan Jett concert at one of the saddest venues in Tucson but we still had a great time.

Joan Jett and the Blackhearts played at the Desert Diamond casino, the local Tucson Tohono Odom Nation (or Tribe?)-owned reservation-based casino.  Now, these casinos totally depress me due to the fact that they even exist.  The Desert Diamond casino (one of two in the Tucson area) is especially depressing because they have obvious members of the native-american community who are wearing really odd, ill-fitting uniforms that are supposed to look like tribal uniforms or something.  It just bums me out.  They also all look pretty depressed...heck....its a really depressing place.  Its full of 70 year olds with cigarettes dangling from their mouths and cocktails in their hands pulling levers on slot machines!

Also, when you go to the cashier booth to change a voucher or chips back into "real" money, the cashier says "good luck" and it seems like "good luck" getting out of here without wanting to drink yourself into a depressed stupor.  I'm no vegas aficionado but cashiers don't generally say "good luck" when you're leaving....  The dealer in Blackjack says "good luck" when you plop down your money to change it into chips....but not usually when they "color" you out (consolidate your chips into bigger denomination chips).....weird.

Ok, back to the concert.  I mentioned this concert to a few people and was really surprised to learn how few people know who this woman is.  Her most famous song is "I love Rock 'n Roll (put another dime in the jukebox baby)."  She was a member of The Runaways with Lita Ford (and some other chicks) and she's pretty much a bad ass.  Dan likes to mention that Joan Jett would definitely kick Pat Benatar's ass if they ever got in a fight....that seems obvious to me but its something Dan likes to bring up whenever we hear a Joan Jett song. She has a jet-black mullet, tattoos and wears high top converse for God's sake!  Pat Benatar would be toast.

Our seats were very near the front.  I'm using the term "seats" loosely because these were literally banquet chairs lined up in rows on a convention room floor in front of the stage.  We bought our obligatory concert t-shirts and headed to our seats.  Dan went back to the bar to get me a drink as Joan came on for her first song so he totally missed this part.  She sang about one sentence and ZAP! she got an electric shock from the mike!  What?!?  Joan kept on singing but she was very upset by this (rightfully so)....then it happened again!  Joan was livid.  (Fortunately our seats were close enough to see her face clearly.)  She looked like she wanted to kick Pat Benatar's ass or the sound guy's ass (for sure).  Like a pro, she finished her song and then they took a break to change mikes so the lead singer wouldn't get electrocuted anymore.  Like I said, nice venue......

They brought out a new mike and, after some understandable initial hesitation, Joan got her groove back and sang her heart out.  She sounded great and was a great entertainer.  She really sang to the crowd.  

Here's a little note to anyone going to a convention room with banquet chairs venue.....WHEN YOU STAND UP IN THE FRONT ROW NO ONE BEHIND YOU CAN SEE ANYTHING.  I felt like it was an Army football game and I was a cadet having to stand for the whole damn thing in support of my team.  Geez.

Ok, Joan was totally cool.  She wore a black tank top and sequined/sparkling leggings with black high-top converse.  She looked great and sounded really great.  She has one heck of a voice.  I had heard reports that several years ago she didn't sound very good and looked like hell....well she's appears to have rebounded from that and she was back in full force!  She sang her hits (which are higher in number than I thought) and some pretty awesome covers and some old stuff from The Runaways (Ch-ch-ch-cherry Bomb!).

We had a great time and were blown away by how great an entertainer she is (despite being on the senior's tour playing crappy venues).  Good work sister!

After the concert, we went to the casino again where "Mr. Vegas" Dan Kelly doubled (and maybe even tripled) his money.  I don't know what it is, I put money on the table or in a machine and its gone.  Dan puts it on and (while it may temporarily be gone) he usually ends up with more money than he started with.  I went to the bathroom and saw the pile of chips he had when I returned.  He looked over at me and I said "time to go"....because you got to know when to walk away.....

Dan noticed that we've now been to two concerts in 6 days...something he's never done before (even when he was hitchhiking all over New York state to see the J. Geils Band).  Yes...we're party animals.

 

Public Enemy in Da House!

Dan and I made a quick (to pick Tanja's spirits up) trip to Los Angeles this weekend.....and it was "off the hook"....ahh-ite?  (say that one out loud, it may help).

 

We got in very late to Los Angeles on Friday night.  We checked into our hotel around 12:30 am or so.  What does one do in that situation?  Throw on a sweater and get over to the bars asap before they close!

We went to the Saddle Chop house hoping to see some drunk people ride the mechanical bull.  It was late enough for people to think doing that was a great decision.  Our wish was pretty much granted because a large group of overweight women in short skirts thought they'd take a ride but there seemed to have been a disproportionate amount of effeminate men who wanted to ride that bull as well....

We went out onto the deck so Dan could have a smoke and this very tall, thin woman with super short red shorts, a small white fur jacket and the highest heels I'd ever seen starts talking to Dan because she's trying to figure out who the oldest person is on the deck.   Nice.  Dan tells her he's 51 and she introduces him to a woman who said she was 55 (but quite honestly she looked a lot older than my mother who is only in her 60s).  We made the appropriate comments about how she definitely didn't look her age (the word "younger" didn't pass my lips though).  This white-fur jacket wearing chick then told us about how she's a model and how she's working in Los Angeles.....I've met models and there was no way this girl (with the strung out look on her face and the bad skin) was anything but a model in the valley for porn shoots....I mean really....It was sort of sad actually.  Ahhhh, my town doesn't seem to change much.  Sunset Strip will always be full of wanna bes.....I love it.

We closed the place down and got late-night hot dogs at Carney's next door.  There was some pretty loud stuff going on (which made the security guard very nervous) but nothing dangerous happened and we went back to our hotel safe and sound.

The next morning we had breakfast at the Newsroom Cafe on Robertson Ave because I had told Dan that one of my friends (Linda Bobel) saw Jimmy Page there once.  That pretty much did it for him.  So...we had to go based on the slight chance that he would show up.  Of course he didn't show up but we were there and we shared a plate of Pasta and Eggs (my favorite dish from that place).  I was still feeling the effects of the night before so I had iced tea and Dan had a mimosa (because he was concerned about the habaneros that were part of the Bloody Mary mix -- rightfully so my dear).  After breakfast the waitress gave me a "to go" cup of iced tea.  Dan asked for a "to go" cup for his mimosa....that was denied of course.

We walked a bit around Robertson and went into Kitson Kids.  That is a really cool boutique store that had some awesome kids clothes.  I saw a little t-shirt for my niece Hannah that cost $48.  A little t-shirt.  I'm sure I don't need to tell you that she (or anyone else) didn't get a $48 t-shirt from the place.

We then dropped by Vendome Liquors on Olympic so Dan could get some Baileys to put in some coffee (which they also sold there -- very conveniently).  I was driving "Sir Kelly" around so there was no reason he couldn't enjoy a cocktail. Vendome Liquors has been around a long time and its massive so its also always cool to wander around there and see all the stuff they have.  Dan was wearing his Led Zeppelin t-shirt and this old grouchy guy at the cash register told him that he hated that band.  Really?  Why would you even say that?  We just laughed at him and Dan said "then I definitely shouldn't be your friend because I love those guys."  

We went to the Fairfax Farmer's market next because I've never shown that place to Dan.  He's seen it on TV a couple of times and asked me recently about it.  Its pretty darn awesome and there's so much stuff to eat and so many people to see there.  Dan decided that he needed to buy a hat so we went to several hat stores there before he could find the right one.  There was also a sizing problem because Dan has a big head.  Interpret that as you will.....the fact is that his head is also physically large.

We bought t-shirts for the kiddies, and went through the 100s of selections at the hot sauce store to buy a gift for Ray.  After that we decided to go to the Museum of Modern Art in Downtown LA.  We got in the car, and got on the 101 (near the Hollywood Bowl) and got stuck in bumper to bumper traffic.  Sigh.  We went a few blocks and then Dan got it in his head that his legs were too warm and that he needed shorts.  Then he saw someone in another car and decided they had to be cargo shorts.  So....for the next 10-15 minutes all I heard about was how much cargo shorts would make his experience better......

Dan sitting by the pool at the The Standard with his new hat.

 

I finally pulled off the freeway at the 101 so I could circle back to the Target and get him those damn shorts.  There were several racks but he finally found the shorts he wanted.  (He was also very happy and wearing his new hat.)  Then (the museum was obviously a bust), we drove back to our hotel and stopped at the Santa Maria Novella store near Melrose and got soaps and body cream for my mother (she ran out).  I also just like to go there and smell the place.  They were surprisingly out of gardenia soap at that time but expected more next week.  (I'll have to get some when I go back in October.)  We went back to the hotel and decided to have a drink by the pool.  I mean, we're in California, right?

We got an awesome seat by the pool and had cocktails while a live DJ was spinning some tunes (it was ok....it was a little loud). Am I getting too old when I complain about loud music?  Probably.

Next, we decided to start heading towards the Sunset Street Music Fest.  We stopped at the Saddle Chop house and got some beers and shared an appetizer.  I had a bottomless mimosa....which means that I got free refills while I was there.  I must have at 10 or so and I could tell the bartender was getting annoyed.  I felt a little like my dad and his fraternity brothers at Georgia Tech when they went to an "all you can eat" rib restaurant and stayed there and ate all the ribs they had.  He eventually got kicked out.  After I was told that I'd reached the "bottom" of the bottomless mimosa deal, we left and walked down Sunset some more.

We stopped at a cool restaurant where dried cow skulls hung from the bar and ordered a cheese plate.  I had wine and Dan stayed with beer.  The waiter totally forgot about our cheese plate so it was free.  But, once we found out that they were going to take the cost of the cheeseplate out of the waiter's pay, we gave him a tip large enough to cover it.  Rough restaurant...geez.

We finally made it to the music fest and, after being let into the VIP area (ah hem....yes....you read that correctly), saw Bush play and they were pretty darn fantastic.  After then we went to another stage and saw Public Enemy play.  That's were Flavor Flav kept saying "ahh ite"....which everyone in the crowd (including me) shouted back to him.  I have no idea what I was alright about.....  Maybe it was the seriously strong marijuana smell in that crowd.  Those young kids.....

After that show, we were walking back to the Motley Crue stage area and a reporter from local Los Angeles channel KTLA 5 news interviewed Dan about the festival and he couldn't stop talking about the influence of Public Enemy and how important they are to music.  I just stopped by him in shock because it was total bs...the reporter bought it lock, stock and barrel.  We moved on to the Motely Crue concert area.  The VIP area was too crowded for this one so we went back with the "little people" and saw the show.  We could see the stage but (fortunately) weren't too close.  I say fortunately because Vince Neil thought it was a good idea to throw red kool aid on everyone in the front at the end of the show....we met several people who weren't too pleased with that.  It looked awful and was reportedly very sticky.

The most fantastic thing about that show.  (They sounded great, by the way.) Was that Tommy Lee played his drum upset down on the set.  I mean his ENTIRE drum set was on a roller coaster track and it moved and he and his drum set were moved in a circle upside down.  That man never lost his beat either.  Pretty amazing.  I've never seen anything like that before.  Its actually on YouTube.  I'll try to send the link when I get home.

The next morning was pretty anti-climactic.  We had breakfast at Mel's dinner and drove to the airport.  We're exhausted.

We've got tickets to see Joan Jett and the Blackhearts at the Desert Diamond Casino.  That should be interesting.....

Quarantined!

Ok, we're pretty much total losers because we have 5 cats....two little hyperactive males and three sedentary females.  The two boys run around the neighborhood like they own the joint...which essentially they do.  Mies is the older of the two but he's also the smaller of the two.  A lot of you probably remember my stories about Mies and how he chewed through the refrigerator's water line one day.  Bad cat.  Anyway, the other cat is Cracky.  He's the sweet little orphan from Tucson who joined us and got shot with a .22 within a week.  Now he's the completely rehabilitated gun shot victim who doesn't even have a limp.  They both love to meet us in the front yard when we come home from work and especially love to help Dan out when he's working in the garage building his pirate ship from cork with a glue gun and various other stuff from the old lady craft section at Walmart.  (That's a whole other story.....)

Anyway, we get at lot of calls about Mies hanging around at other people's houses and acting like he's starving and homeless.  He is very manipulative and, because he's exceptionally handsome, he can get strangers to give him food and love.  Once we got a call not more than 20 minutes after that little rat had eaten almost an entire can of soft cat food at our house.  Dan and I drove to the people's apartment to pick him up and the young lieutenant told us that Mies had cried at his front door and walked right into the house and drank water and even had some ham.  They called the number because he seemed like he might have been lost.  Of course, that was all part of Mies' plan...he wants people to think he's lost so they give him ham, etc.  The part of his plan that backfired was that his parents showed up to pick him up and take him to their (apparently) awful home....

 

On Tuesday, Dan gets a call from the Sierra Animal Hospital because they have Mies.  They tell him that someone picked Mies up and brought him to the vet because he was hanging around their house.  A vet tech tried to put Mies in a cage and he "nipped" her so they called Cochise County Animal Control (which is part of the Cochise County Sheriff's office) and they want to talk to us and Mies will probably have to be quarantined for ten days.  What?!?  There are so many questions.  Why did some idiot bring my cat to the vet?  When then did the vet tech call animal control when she got nipped?  The cat has an identification tag on him for Christ's sake.  Also, what kind of wimpy vet tech is freaked out by a "nip"?  Its not even clear that her skin was broken.  I'm sure Mies was totally freaked out by being brought by a stranger to the vet and then being pushed into a cage.  All that aside, Dan picked up Mies and Cochise County Animal Control came by our house the next morning.  I couldn't stay for the whole thing but Dan had to sign a document saying that we'd keep him inside for the next ten days.  Of course, that means that everyone has to stay inside for the next ten days....which has created a bit of tension in our house.  Boundaries are being established and re-established on an hourly basis......

We're on Day 3 and no visits to the emergency room yet......yet.

 

A traitor in our midst.

We have a cat door that leads into our back yard and the kitties love it because they can come in and out as they please all day.  Mies (our other boy cat) is always running in and out.  I don't know how but that cat knows exactly when 5 pm rolls around because he usually comes flying through the cat door just when Dan puts out the canned food.  Last month, Mies didn't show up for a few days.  We combed the neighborhood but we couldn't find him.  I even slept in the living room waiting for him one night.  One day he just strolled back in through the cat door as if nothing was wrong.  I grabbed him and hugged him (which he totally hated) because I was so relieved that he was alright.  He stuck around the house for a few days and we figured that he may have been locked in someone's garage or something for those few days.  Mies and I also have a morning ritual.  He loves evaporated milk and I put it in my coffee every morning.  So, I pour a little evaporated milk onto a saucer for him when I have my coffee.  He jumps onto the island in our kitchen and meows until he gets him milk.  In other words, this little guy is very spoiled.

He is a really cool cat though.  He likes to play fetch and used to bring one of my hair ties and plop it on a chair or on our bed and one of us would throw it and he would fetch it and bring it back.  Mies stopped doing that when we moved him down to Sierra Vista though because he didn't need us for entertainment anymore....he had the cat door and all the adventures the outdoors provided....  Now I'm very biased but Mies is also extremely handsome.  He has a pink nose and beautiful stripes all over his body.  He also has the softest fur I've felt on a cat.  He likes to curl up his little body and sleep behind our knees.  On more than one occasion, Dan and I have admitted that we love him the best of all the cats.

Since Cracky has moved in, Mies has not had as much attention from his two number one fans.  Of course, after Cracky got shot, Mies has had even less attention.

Dan got a call yesterday from a neighbor about six houses down asking about Mies.  Our cats where collars with Dan's number on them and we occasionally get calls because the cats often lose their collars (they have those "cat safe" collars).  The guy calling Dan, however, hadn't found Mies' collar...he was checking to see whether Mies had been abandoned....wha?!?!  Apparently he had been hanging around our neighbor's house and they  thought he was a great cat and had even let him come into their house.  The neighbor told us that they had also fed him because he seemed hungry....this is the same cat who eats a half can of soft food in a nanosecond almost EVERY night at 5 pm!!!!  Dan told me that the neighbor didn't seem upset at all and they really liked Mies and were sort of hinting that they would adopt him.  Dan went over to talk to them about Mies yesterday and he was in their house....SLEEPING ON THE COMPUTER CHAIR IN THEIR OFFICE.  They have two little girls and they loved Mies because he would let the little girls pet him....this is incredible.  That little rat was acting like some poor homeless cat and our neighbors were taking care of him...he would then run over and eat and sleep at our house (when it was convenient for him).

So....NOW EVERYONE'S GROUNDED in our house and the cat door has been locked.  Last night and this morning there was a lot of complaining but I can't believe Mies went out and found another family.....so devious.

Cat gang violence.

Dan and I recently adopted a little white cat. Because he's the only white cat in the pride of cats already living with us, we call him Cracker or Cracky for short. He came from the mean streets of Tucson and we packed him up in the backseat of my truck and brought him down to the pastoral paradise of Sierra Vista. Wait a minute, did I say pastoral paradise? I should have said COMBAT ZONE because last week Cracky came hobbling through the cat door on our back patio with what appeared to be some kind of wound on his back right leg. It was about 8 pm and he was crying really loud. I checked the internet and found a vet open until 9:30 pm and we wrapped him in a blanket and drove him over. The doctor immediately guessed that the little guy's leg was broken. What? There was a small wound on the top of his leg which Dan thought could be from a pellet gun or something. I was shocked.

Cracky was taken away to get an x-ray and we could hear his crying out in the waiting room...it was pretty horrible because the little guy was obviously in a lot of pain. The really sad part was that he would still purr if the vet tech or anyone (for that matter) would pet his head. He is one of those really sweet little animals that may be too innocent for his own good.

The vet invited Dan and me to go in the back and see Cracky's x-ray which confirmed that his little leg was indeed broken at the femur (or top part of the leg). We could also see a big piece and several little pieces of what had broken his leg. Dan asked if that was a pellet from a pellet gun and the vet said "No...that's too big to be pellet, it looks like a .22 caliber bullet to me." My cat got shot with a .22? Are you joking? They told us that they'd call the vet surgeon (who did surgeries that week) to get an estimate for the surgery but they thought he'd probably require a pin to put his little leg back together. Unbelievable. They gave us antibiotics and told us they'd call the next day about the surgery.

We got the estimate...and it wasn't cheap at all. Dan (my sweet hero) didn't hesitate to pay for it and the little guy went under the knife last Wednesday. We were both really worried and called the vet's office all day but finally heard that he was doing really well. They kept him overnight and we picked him up the next afternoon. Dan wanted to see the bullet they extracted but the vet decided to keep it in because he said it would have caused more damage if he had gone in there to take it out. He said that, based on the position of the bullet, it wouldn't harm Cracky to leave it in there. I took a picture of the huge scar this little guy has now.

So...Cracky is (of course) making us crazy because he insists on trying to jump onto things with his three working legs. We also have to give him an antibiotic pill every morning and every evening and Dan and I are completely traumatized by the experience. Cracky acts like we're putting a cigarette out in his eye and Dan is so worried about hurting his leg that he won't hold him tightly. We try to wrap him up in what I call "the Kitty Burrito" which basically bundles the little guy completely in a towel with only his head free. Then one of us (Dan) holds the bundle while I force Cracky's mouth open and try to jam a pill down his throat while he makes gagging sounds and tries to get it out with his tongue. A very pleasant experience. Dan has a little trouble with the "burrito" concept. He likes to put him in a "taco" with his little arms and legs open in the front....that doesn't work. I've also seen Dan misguidedly believe that the "quesadilla" will work...which is just lightly draping the town over Cracky's shoulders. I've had to explain that I need a full blown burrito and none of those other lose, tortilla-wrapped mexican dishes.

I should also explain a little about why we adopted our little Cracky. My mother told us about him because a friend found him. He had a collar and was plump and clean and would come up to their house and try to eat the food they were giving to some homeless cats it the neighborhood. They kept shooing him away because they thought he had a home. He would keep coming back and sort of linger in the periphery watching the other cats and they noticed that he was getting thinner and dirtier. Finally they called the number on his collar and it was disconnected. In other words, he was abandoned. He is totally a house cat not fit for the outdoors and was dying to be allowed back into someone's home. It pretty much broke our hearts. He is also one of those little fellows who loves to snuggle and purrs at the slightest touch. He's a real sweetheart. We felt so horrible that we brought him down to live with us and he gets shot. He's recovering really well though and he's even starting to use his broken leg a little. The vet is going to remove the pin in about 6 weeks, so we'll see. I know...we're saps.

We still don't know what idiot shot our little boy. We live in a subdivision where there are a lot of homes and not much open space so it is absolutely ludicrous that anyone is shooting a gun in our neighborhood (with all the kids that run around)...even here in gun-crazy Arizona.

Learning About Bisbee.

It is really cold and damp here in Bisbee and it reminds me a lot of Vermont.  On my drive in to work for my second day as a Cochise County Public Defender this morning I had to drive over the San Pedro river and there was a thick layer of fog over that area...to the point when I had to slow down because of limited visibility.  My commute now is 25 minutes (as opposed to 1 hour 45 minutes).  Its really nice.

In front of the old courthouse there is a copper colored statute of an "Ironman" because Bisbee was a big copper mining town in its day.  The Ironman statute is wearing leg warmers today.  He wasn't wearing those yesterday so it must be extra cold for him today or something.  I went to the High Desert Cafe and got a cup of coffee this morning and that place is run by a bunch of tie-dye wearing, tattoo displaying women who could easily live in South Royalton Vermont.  I find it slightly ironic that I've come full circle back to a Vermont-ish atmosphere.  The people here are really laid back and hopefully I'll stop feeling like a total idiot soon and get with the program.  I really have no idea about criminal law and basically spend have my day asking for the definitions of certain terms or looking them up.  Going through an indictment is pretty time consuming right now because I have to look up every statute.  I haven't been to the jail yet but hopefully I'll go there soon.  I have 5 cases already which are set for trial.  I've been assigned to the "trial team" so I need to start doing witness interviews, etc. to get ready for that.  I'm from the civil discovery world where you do depositions and request written discovery.  This is much quicker and to the point and you don't have those pesky arguments about whether the person really complied with a discovery request.

The orientation for this job was a whole other story.  First of all, it took ALL DAY.  I've never had an orientation that long.  I got a binder full of copies of power point presentations about Fleet Safety (driving county vehicles), sexual harassment policies and the history of Cochise County.  It was also incredibly boring and difficult to pay attention to.  (I, of course, have about the shortest attention span in the world whenever anything that has to do with administration is involved.)  During lunch I had to haul ass over to Douglas, AZ to apply for a new social security card because I don't have my actual card anymore.  In fact, I haven't had one for over 15 years.  (It was in my wallet when my wallet was stolen from a Starbucks in Beverly Hills long ago.  Yes...bad things happen even in Beverly Hills.  I learned the hard way not to set your wallet down when you're putting sugar in your coffee.)  By the way, social security administration offices are just about the most depressing places in the universe.  I sat there with a bunch of people who couldn't speak English while they argued with the clerks about getting benefits.  I thought my number would never come up but fortunately it did and I got the requisite "documentation" to prove I have a social security card.  I asked the Cochise county HR lady whether they use everify (which should be able to verify that I'm an US citizen, etc.).  She said they did but they also needed my SS card.  (I had my passport but that was apparently not enough.)  I worked for the State of Arizona and never had to show my SS card.  Weird.

That said, I can't complain too much because the benefits here are pretty good.  The county pays for your health insurance!  It doesn't take any money out of your pay for that and for a life insurance policy.  Its pretty darn good.  The insurance looks great too, its all a PPO and they cover a lot of stuff.  That certainly makes my salary cut seem a little less harsh.

In the afternoon we learned all about benefits and signed up.  I, of course, was in a group with a person who had to have everything explained to her so it took a little longer than usual.  I'm always in that group.  The benefits lady had these really long bright red fingernails which I found hypnotic.  I couldn't stop watching them as she waved them around.  I probably missed a lot of the benefits because I couldn't stop watching those talons fly.  This same lady liked to talk a lot so I didn't engage her but the "question lady" had a lot of conversations with her about random things.  The benefits lady started talking about improvements she wanted to make to a house she and her husband had just purchased and she mentioned that she wanted to put a brick wall around the back of the house.  She said it would keep out the dust from a nearby dirt lot, keep her grandchildren safe inside her yard and keep out the "wetbacks."  Wha?!?!  Did I hear that correctly?  Did an HR person just call Mexicans wetbacks?  I couldn't help it but I coughed when she said that and she just looked at me with absolutely no idea that she'd said anything wrong.  Now....I'm a conservative and I believe our borders shouldn't be open but I would never call a Mexican a wetback!  This place is crazy.  Maybe I'm more liberal than I think I am....

Calling All People Who Drive On The 10 Between Tucson and Phoenix!

1.  If you're going to go fast....keep a relatively constant speed because, if you slow down, I WILL PASS YOU....It is not a challenge....Its not personal on any level....I'm on cruise control!  I don't want you around me....I'm listening to the Dennis Miller show....I'm also tired of looking at your stupid bumper stickers announcing that you're a bass fisherman and that you're an Arizona wildcat fan....

 

2.  The photo enforcement people put signs up announcing that there is a photo enforcement vehicle ahead....so....it shouldn't be a brake-slammin' surprise when you notice it on the side of the road.  Also, they really really do not ticket you unless you're 11 miles over the speed limit...the public announcements are not lies.  You do not need to go 10 miles below the speed limit and almost cause an accident.....

 

3.  Why on God's green earth do you speed up when you KNOW I'm trying to pass you?  Once again, I'm on cruise control....and I'm not going so fast that I appeared out of nowhere.  You were fine and dandy with your slowness until you realized that I was tired of driving slowly behind you in the fast lane and I was going to pass you...then it was ALL HANDS ON DECK and PEDAL TO THE METAL....really?....what is going through your little mind at that point?

 

4.  Trucks are slow.  Do not act surprised when you quickly come upon them....there are lots and lots of 18 wheelers on the 10....is this your first day behind the wheel?

 

5.  And YES....I AM ignoring you...when you try to get my attention because you want me to wave you into my lane....I have a policy of no cutting and I don't want to have to explain it to you.  Sit in line like the rest of us...you're not special.

 

OK....I feel a little better now.

Crack Security.

I just went downstairs to pick up some documents that were hand-delivered and the building receptionist gave me an envelope and handed me a clipboard telling me to "initial and date."  I looked down at the columns on the clipboard and they asked for "full name" and "time of pickup."  Okay......  Also, every other person who had picked up a package before me today had filled in their "full name" and "time of pickup."  So...being the follower that I am, I filled in my full name and time of pickup.  I didn't say anything as I handed the clipboard back to the lady with the rather blank and superficially cheerful face.

 

Now....if I worked the reception desk in my building, I would probably have a little fun with something like that.  I would tell people that I need a blood sample and thumb print when I hand over deliveries.  Or even better, I would tell them that I'll need a cheek swab and a full body search.  Why is this so funny to me?  I need a vacation....

We're so money.

Dan and I went to Las Vegas this weekend and we're completely and utterly exhausted.  I don't think I've ever laughed as much as I did this past weekend either.

 

First of all, I want to say a little something about the wonder that is the Tucson airport.  As I was told by a Chinese guy in Las Vegas on Saturday....its an international airport.  (I won't even get into the meaning of that one....)  Tucson airport is probably the best airport in the world.  I say this because it is nearly always empty and it is probably one of the last airports where you can arrive very close to your departure time without being stuck in a large line and stressing out.  Its very clean, there are a lot of bars and places to eat and the airport just seems to lack the stress and frenzy that exists in every other airport I've ever visited.  I mean, the Miami airport is grosser than an inner-city bus station...(I'm thinking of YOU NYC port authority....).  I'm just saying that Tucson airport is pretty much a dream as airports go now-a-days.

 

Dan and I flew on Southwest which is such a pain in the butt to fly with because of their weird check in line thing.  I just hate it.  We stopped and had a drink on the way to our gate so we were late and, for the first time ever, I heard my named called over the intercom to board a flight.  Good start!  There were no seats left together until the very last row of the airplane so we got back there.  Oh yeah, Dan has a big issue with the idiots who take extremely large carry-ons onto planes.  As they walked by us lugging their enormous carry-ons, Dan talked about kicking them in various parts of their bodies.  I offered suggestions on how to execute the kick so as to inflict the greatest amount of pain.  For example, a kick in the gut is best when the toe is pointed...that sort of thing.

 

We sat next to this sort of quiet guy who laughed as Dan described the safety instructions on the laminated picture card and made sure I was complying with all of the airline safety instructions (seat belt fastened).  The steward came by and Dan went into an elaborate decision-making process about what drinks to buy...he involved a few people sitting next to us and ended up buying drinks for several people in our vicinity.  The quiet guy in our row didn't want a drink but Dan asked him to pretend he was getting one so that he could get an extra drink (because you're only allowed to buy yourself one drink at a time).  After the complicated ordering process was finished, we learned that our seat mate was a former Tucson police officer and now a Parker, CO police officer who has flown down to Tucson to testify in a child molestation case.  So...Dan basically just asked a cop to help him circumvent the SW Airlines alcohol rules.  Nice.  I volunteered to help the cop arrest Dan if he wanted but the guy was really cool.  I learned that he thought a few people looked familiar to him on the plane and that he thought it may have been because he had previously arrested them for DUIs.  He said that he doesn't remember names but that he never forgets a face.  I thought a Vegas flight was probably a good place to see a lot of faces he recognized.

 

We made it to Vegas and, after picking up our checked bags (which were smaller than other people's carry-ons), we caught a cab to the Tropicana.  As we pulled up to our hotel, the cab driver told us that he wouldn't stay at the Tropicana...thinking that he would stay at a much nicer place, I asked him where he would stay..."oh, the Motel 6 or someplace."  ok....We didn't say another word for the rest of the ride....  After Dan paid the fare and gave him a tip, the cab driver apologized and said that he never knows whether to talk to keep quiet....Dan suggested that he work a little on his social skills.  I thought that was enough of a tip for that guy.

 

We're registering at the hotel and our rooms are comped so Dan (trying to show off) asks for his casino host.  His "usual" host isn't in so this other guy comes out.  Dan (acting very suave) leans in and tells the guy that he'd like tickets for the comedy show at the Tropicana...the Johnny Clayton show.  The casino host just looked at him with a blank stare.  Dan says it a little louder..."You know....the Johnny Clayton show...the comedian you have here."  The host then looked at him and said, "Do you mean Bobby Slayton?"  Dan (not missing a beat) says "Yeah...that guy you just said........[long pause].....I rhymed at least."  The host said that he'd see what he could do.  I knew that he wasn't going to do anything.  We never say the Johnny Clayton show or the Bobby Slayton show for that matter.

 

We went upstairs, put down our bags and headed to the casino.  Now, I'm a poor gambler because it physically hurts me to lose money when I could have bought a nice pair of shoes.  I put aside a couple of hundred dollars as my limit and played with it until it was gone.  If you've ever been to Vegas, you know that they change out the dealers on the BlackJack tables every hour or so (sometimes sooner) and, as I'm sure you can guess, we had a lot of characters.  There were several bossy eastern european ladies who, after they decided they liked you, would just shake their heads if you did something foolish.  One African dealer was from Eritrea and Dan called her "East Side."  That's because Eritrea is on the east coast of Africa....yep...we're the only people who got that.  We both did well in the Tropicana and visited the Luxor where Dan made his bet on the Rams to win the Super Bowl (85 to 1 odds) and the conference championship (I forget).  We believe we played at the Luxor, Mandalay Bay and MGM.  The lions weren't around then (because it was the middle of the morning).   At around 6 am, realized that the sun was sort of coming out again...is that was that yellow thing is?  Had we really stayed up all night?  What do you do when you've stayed up all night?  Ah...hem...go to New York, New York and play some more BlackJack...oh yeah....and you switch from beer to coffee and Bailey's....duh.  At NY, NY, the dealer was really nice but she must have been going through some hot flashes or something because she kept talking about how hot the place was and she was sweating.  Now, it wasn't freezing or anything but it certainly wasn't hot enough to make a person (let alone the dealer) sweat.  She was an older lady and told me that she thought Dan looked a little like Kevin Costner.  I know...he's my handsome sweetie....even without beer goggles.

 

At around 7:45 am or so, we decided that we should take a nap and headed back to our hotel room.  At 11 am, we were back up and ready to hit the buffet.  It was probably the alcohol from the night before but I didn't feel sore or achy that previous night.  I could barely walk Saturday.  You see, I have missed a month of Mack workouts because of work stuff and I went back two times last week.  Mack pretty much kicked my sorry butt and I had to do deep squats on the bar which pretty much caused my quads to seize up on Saturday.  I had to hold onto Dan's arm to walk down stairs and I used the handicapped toilet stalls (because of that handy rail they have in there).  It was pretty pathetic.  We made it to the MGM next and saw the lions.  There was a male and a female and it was feeding time.  Dan and I couldn't get over how much they acted like our cats but, of course, they were much, much bigger.  The female lion even played with a ball that huge claw marks in it from previous games.  Pretty cool.

 

We decided to walk down the strip and check out some of the other casinos.  I don't know if any of you have been to Vegas before but there are these guys that hand out pornographic cards as you walk down the Vegas strip.  In case you don't get handed one, you can just look down and see these cards and the exposed women on them on the sidewalk where they've been thrown.  These card-pushers are very much in people's faces too.  I noticed that they were really giving Dan a lot of these cards (more then usual actually), after a while he would just take them and throw them away once we'd walked on.  I wondered if it maybe had something to do with the economy and it was a little annoying that they were so insistent.  We decided to go to the Planet Hollywood casino which is new (to me) and we were sitting down to get a drink when Dan said, "Tanja....my fly is down!  Did you know?" Ah hah!  That explains everything.  Now I know why they were giving Dan more than his usual share of cards.  I was pretty much walking down the Vegas strip with a pervert!  I could just imagine that they were thinking that Dan really needed those porno cards asap.  As a result of this mishap, Dan now insists that I look at his crotch frequently.....

 

We made it back to the hotel and Dan received a lot fewer cards.  The only thing we had to do was go to this "guest" function at the Tropicana where they had a free buffet and where they were drawing people's names out of a hat for cash prizes.  I thought that it couldn't be that bad.  Well...we were probably the youngest people there and the band was wearing lederhosen and singing polka music.  They also told really lame jokes between their songs (along the lines of "waiter...there's a fly in my soup") and they called themselves the "Dumkopfs."  No...I'm not kidding.  After all the old people got their names pulled from the hat, we headed back to the casino and lost some more money.  It was a total blast.